I consider myself a pretty positive person, but some days, it doesn't seem to take much to derail my mood.
Today it was a pair of pants.
Okay, it wasn't the pants; it was actually that I couldn't bring myself to wear any of my shirts with them. The shirts were the wrong color, or they were too dressy to go with casual pants, or they were too tight, or they were too thick for Texas summer. And then I looked at the contents of my closet and at the range of clothes sizes--everything from a size 10 (my 2013 weight) to my current size 16--and I got angry.
Angry at myself for being undisciplined. Angry for eating the pimento cheese sandwich and Cheetos that I ate yesterday and knew I shouldn't. Frustrated at bad habits. And over and over in my head, the nagging, condemning Diet Fairy's voice: "You KNOW better. You KNOW what to do and not do. Why don't you JUST DO IT?"
And then came the other thoughts: "Some people are burying their loved ones today. Some people don't have clothes to wear at all. Some people would love a pimento cheese sandwich. You're being petty. Stop it."
Emotional and mental funk.
What do you do on the days when you don't have enough grace for yourself?
I complained to my husband. I ate a healthy breakfast. I still felt bad.
I reached out and asked friends to pray. I read Scripture. I talked to the Lord, and I'm still inviting Him to shift everything in me He needs to.
And bit by bit, my day is improving, and my outlook is improving. I haven't dropped forty pounds, my shirt is still the same one I (begrudgingly) finally settled on this morning, and I know that I have a lot of work to do to improve my health.
But most importantly, I'm realizing that God understands me and that a whole lot of people love me and are praying for me. And for today, that is enough.
I'm thankful that God's grace finds us sometimes through our friends.